~ D e p r e s s i o n ~

       I really wanted to kill myself and die.I wanna jumping from my apartment window.Stressed,dizzy,chaotic,sad and wounded,everything is complete i feel.I stood staring out the window,my eyes puffy cause crying,my tears dripping,hair messy and pale faces.And again,I remember the day when I and he meet.

       "Hi Gladia,it's been a long time waiting?Sorry I'm late" he said and sat down in the chair in front of me.

      Yes,I am Gladia Ervana,a student at one of the Universities in Jakarta and she is Ringga,a man who is almost a month made friendship with me.

       "I guess you will not come" I replied

       "I'm so sorry for it,I'm very late?" ask Ringga

       "No...."

       "I'm so sorry,I'm really sorry for being late and it has make you waiting for a long time" he said and smile

       "Okay..No problem" I replied it again

       I was a bit of badmood cause waiting for almost half an hour.

       "I look you're upset to me" he said

       "No..I'm just feel dizzy"

       He looked surprised and put his hand on my forehead

       "You're sick?but I don't feel...." said Rangga

       I'm very confused how to answer it,I lie with say that I was dizzy when only upset to him.But I do'nt dare to tell the truth because I know he is very busy so he late to came here.But thankfully the waiter came with the food and drinks which I had ordered as waited Ringga earlier.

        "The food has came,I think we must eat now cause I'm very hungry" said me

        "Well...Waiter I want a....." he replied to order

        "No Ringga,I have ordered food for you too.Roast chicken and sweet tea,that's your favorite right?" I said it and give he a glass of tea.

        "Yeaaah...How do you know?" asked Ringga

        "All this time,I always find out about you Ringga.I always ask to your friends secretly about what you like and do not like" I answered silently in my heart.

        "Gladiaaa...Why you silent?I just asked you how did you know about my favorite foods and drinks?" Ringga asked again

        "Em...I'm so hungry,can we eat now?"

        Ringga bear and finally we both eat and talk.Ringga it's a nice and handsome man.He have brown eyes and sweet smile which made me wanna be own he. I watched him until I realized that Ringga was calling me.

        "Gladia?Are you daydreaming?Your food was cold" said Ringga with waving his hand in front of my face.

        "Em...I think I have to go to toilet" I said and went straight to the toilet.I took a deep breath then washed my hands and looked in the mirror."You stupid Gladia!Do you think that Ringga will like you too?He's handsome,rich and many woman love him.Ho he can avenged your love!Come on Gladia wake up...do not dream like it!" I say with banging on the wall."But I must be keep spirit,I should be able to make him also fall in love to me!" I said again and began make up myself.

        "Sorry,I was have a long time in the toilet" and then I sat down.Ringga did not answer and looked at me for so long.

        "What?" asked me

        "You are very beautiful today" he said

        I was shocked to hear it,but I think he was wrong about what his talk today.

        "You was.........." I wanna answer but he stopped me bu putting his ring finger to my lips.Then slowly lowered it and both hands held my hand.

        "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Ringga asked

        "Did I dream?I wondered whether I wanted to be his girlfriend or no?Oh God this is a miracle?" I talk to myself

        "Are you kidding?" I asked

        "Does my face look joking? I'm serious Gladia"
         But just now I want to answer the question suddenly the phone goes off and Ringga let go of his hand
        "Wait a minute, I answered the phone first" Ringga said and walked some distance away from where we both sat. I do not believe in what Ringga said then I pinched my hand, it hurt and I realized that this is not a dream. And approached me
        "Gladia, I think I should get to the office, there's a sudden meeting with a client from Japan. It's okay if you go home by yourself?" Ringga asked while using his gray milk suit.
        "Oh..So you have to go? It's okay I can go home by myself" I replied
        "I'm sorry, about my question tomorrow we'll meet again and you can answer it I just paid the bills just now I go first, see you tomorrow" said Ringga then he kissed my forehead and walked out of the restaurant.really could not believe that Ringga had kissed my forehead. I sighed and shouted happily without realizing that everyone in the restaurant looked at me with a startled expression. I then hurried away from there. In the taxi I still smile to myself And kept stroking my forehead.
        "Miss you look happy today" Asked the taxi driver
        "YesI'm verry happy Sir" I replied
        "We have arrived Miss"
        "Already? Then this is the money pack just take it back.Thank you very much" I said out of the car and ran to my apartment room.I closed the doors and windows and lay on the mattress with a hug pillow. "Thank you for God today" I said.That day I was so happy, I kept thinking of him as he kissed and clasped my hands tightly. Until the dream of Ringga was still coming. Until finally I woke up to the sunlight that hit my face through the gap in the window. I took the phone next to me and I saw many messages from Ringga And the thing that makes me most happy is when Ringga invites me to meet tonight in caffe yesterday. I just wake up and jump for joy. Then open the closet door and look for the clothes I'll use tonight.

        "This red dress? Ah this is not too sexy. This is? Ah no it's dull. Ah ... my clothes are on bad, I'd better go to Mall buy a new one" I said and hurriedly took a towel, showered and left. Came to my usual place to buy clothes.
        "Just got here yesterday bought clothes, now want to buy again?" Said Rasna, a shop assistant
        "I want to find the best and most beautiful dress now," I said
        "Oh okay, let's follow me" he said then I followed him. "This is the best and most beautiful dress we have" he said, pointing to a red dress decorated with flowers
        "I like this one and I want this one"
        "Okay" then Rasna took the dress
After I finished paying and took the parcel I was hungry and went straight to the caffe where I used to eat when in the Mall. While sitting I saw a woman who was being pulled his hand by a man in a hat. I watched her, occasionally she revolted and pushed him. The man's hat fell and it was Ringga.Ringga pulled the woman up and took her down.
         "What do you want to order?" Asked the waiter
         "Sorry not to eat, I'm full" I replied and ran after them both. They went to the basement. I kept walking after the stalk and followed them both and was shocked when he heard the conversation.
         "Why do you get pregnant?" Snapped Ringga
         "You say why? Did you forget what we did that night?" Said the woman
         "But I'm very confident that the child in your stomach is not my child, you must have slept with another man after that!" Ringga said
         "You think I am as humble  as that? I just do it with you Ringga!"
         Ringga paused and then punched the wall next to it
         "But why?" Said Ringga
         "I do not know!"
        I retreated slowly and ran from there. Along the way I kept on imagining what they were talking about, I heard and heard clearly that the woman was impregnated Ringga.I cry all day, until finally Ringga again sent me a message to meet him tonight.I came to see him at the caffe yesterday and came late late.
         "Sorry I'm late" I said and sat down in the chair
         "It's okay, I'm glad you finally came in. About my question yesterday ..."
         "I can not, I'm sorry"
         "But why?" Ringga asked
         "How can I accept a man who has impregnated another woman" I said sarcastically
         "How do you know?" Asked Ringga,
         "I accidentally saw you with the woman at the Mall and followed you both .. The woman was pregnant because you Ringga, I followed the woman and her name is Sarah" I explained.Ringga paused and bowed his head
        "You must be responsible Ga, however the child in the womb is your child You must marry and be the father of the child. I go first, thanks Ga.Hope you happy" I said and hurried away.He did not hold me up, he just kept silent and his head bowed, his hands clenched like anger.I walked down every street with a bag in my right hand and high heels on the left. My dress is not pretty anymore, makeup faded and hair disheveled. My heart is really hurt. I should have been his girlfriend tonight but I had to lose it because I knew he had to leave me with the woman which he was pregnant with. I was so screwed up and crushed, it was so wanted me dead.After that incident, I was very upset and hurt to remember Ringga is my idol guy who turned out to be a coward who dared to stain other women.Every time I heard the name and remember his face would immediately angry and crying.All the people  always try to calm me but me instead I prefer in the room and lock the door. With eyes still puffy and glass in my hand I say

        "God, I know this is a temptation for me.But please make me forget it I do not want to continue like this" I said then took a deep breath.